


I'll Try

by kaclydid



Category: Hell on Wheels (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, angsty, but nothing graphic, minor talk about gunshot wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26352970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaclydid/pseuds/kaclydid
Summary: reader and cullen have a chat after cullen gets shot
Relationships: Cullen Bohannon/Reader
Kudos: 5





	I'll Try

**Author's Note:**

> based on writing prompts: “I wish I knew how to talk about it” “you don’t have to talk, we can just sit together”

You took a deep breath as you stepped into his tent, plate of food in hand and fresh bandages draped over your arm. As you stood at the opening of the tent, you watched as Cullen lay on his cot, left foot hanging off the edge to rest on the floor. The bandage around his midsection was stained with sweat and a bit of blood, but color had started to return to his features. 

At hearing you enter, his arm, which had been resting over his eyes, lifted so he could look to you, sighing when he noticed who his visitor was. “Wha’ time is it?” he drawled, lowering his arm back over his eyes. 

“Suppertime,” you answered, setting the bowl of stew on the small table. “About dusk,” you added as you sat at the edge of the bed. “How’re you feeling today?”

“Like crap,” he answered. 

“Have you slept at all?” you asked, peeking under the bandages on his stomach. “Your fever’s gone down.”

Cullen gulped, shying away from your touch as you started to tear fresh bandages. “‘m fine.”

You nodded, shifting away as he started to sit up, leaning heavily onto his left arm for balance. He watched as you changed the bandages around his midsection, prodding gently at the edges of the bullet wound before rebandaging him. 

As you finished, you turned away, tidying up your workspace and wiping your hands on you apron. 

“Somethin’ is bothering you,” Cullen’s voice pulled you out of the silence that had fallen over the tent. He took a bit of the stew, and chewed as he added, “I haven’t been able to talk to you much since …” he trailed off, glancing over to the bloodied shirt and pile of rags in the corner of the space. 

You followed his gaze, gulping down bile as you sighed. You had known him long enough to know he would always help out his friends. But hearing how he took a bullet for Elam, seeing him covered in blood, and close to death by the time Elam brought him back to town, was hard. 

“I wish I knew how to talk about it,” you murmured, looking down to your hands. “Wish I knew what to say to you after seeing you like that. I … I couldn’t …” you trailed off as a sob broke in your throat. “Cullen, you almost died, and if Elam hadn’t gotten you back to town when he did … I … I don’t know what I would have done.”

Setting aside his bowl, Cullen reached out to take your hand, pulling it out of your lap with a soft squeeze. As you looked up, he motioned for you to come closer. The moment you had sat down on the mattress beside him, he had his arms wrapped around you, pulling you into his chest. “I’m sorry,” he muttered into your hair, pressing a kiss there. “i … wasn’t thinking. I didn’t think.” He pressed another kiss into your hair as you curled tighter into his embrace, silent sobs shaking you. He held you tight, relishing in the realization that you were still there - that he was still there - in his life and heart. 

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” he started after what seemed like forever, both of you curled around each other, relishing in the feeling of each other’s embrace. “We can just sit here for a while,” he soothed, running a hand over your shoulder. “Together.”

***

You awoke in the morning, still curled into Cullen’s side, your hand barely brushing the edge of the bandage. As you shifted, his arm came up to wrap around your shoulders. “Mornin’.” His voice was raspy from sleep, but his eyes were bright, as if he had been awake for some time.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, brushing a hand over your hair. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeated more sternly, fingers brushing along your jaw. “I’m stupid, reckless, and am lucky to be alive.”

You chuckled. “You are reckless. The most reckless man I know. It’s infuriating.”

“I know.”

You sighed, sitting up beside him. “I don’t want to lose you, Cullen. I’ve lost too damn much for one lifetime.”

He nodded, brushing his hand along your shoulder. “I’m glad you were here. I’m sorry to put you through all this, it was never my intention.”

“Just …” you sighed, looking down to the bandage on his stomach. “Please, remember there are people who will miss you when you're gone.”

“I’ll try.”


End file.
